Dear Black Women,
It is time to lay your burdens down. You cannot carry the weight of the world any longer. You haven’t been able to do so for a long time. Can’t you see that it is holding you back? It is quite literally killing you from the inside out.
I have watched scores of posts of black women on social platforms, such as the Red Table Talk and other FB groups, airing out their relationship issues instead of seeking the proper resources. When will we understand that these kinds of feedback do not help us because these are all opinions based on other people’s personal experiences? These also do not tackle the deeper issues within you. They don’t begin to address the deeply rooted traumas that you live with day in and day out.
Where in these summaries do you explore your contributions to your situations? Where in these summaries do you explore your generational traumas that reside in the scared little girl that lives in you?
Why are we unwilling to seek the proper assistance that we need? Healing will not be found in a quick Tweet or IG posts. Healing is a long and arduous journey. It requires serious self-reflection, revelations of difficult truths, deep forgiveness, painful mirror reflections, and a long climb to the top of the iceberg.
And most of all, it takes soul-deep intentionality to choose healing daily.
My heart hurts at some of the messages that I witness. I see the cycle of trauma that continues to be perpetuated in our community, with no end in sight. The battles that we face are persistent and ever-growing. I see the cry for help in all the wrong places. We don’t need external validation; we need deep internal work.
As a Black woman, the deep pain is unbearable to see the hamster wheel spin with another Black child who will be un-fathered, another Black woman in the pain of single parenthood, another Black man who has multiple children by multiple women and has no stability, another family broken by incarceration, and the poverty that pervades our community. The list goes on of all the things that negatively affect our community.
Black women are majestic, beautiful, strong, and formidable. I wish we would use those powers to heal ourselves rather than push them aside to carry the weight of everyone else. Yes, we need our Black men to stand up and support us.
But baby girl, all that you need is within you. My Creator did not do things halfway. Yes, it takes work to break cycles. But anything in life worth having requires work.
Because when we let go of our focus on outcomes, we begin to see that ALL that has ever mattered is the journey.
The journey is where we develop. The journey is where we learn who we truly are. The journey is where we discover all the things that God has put inside of us.
The journey strips away the pride and ego.
The journey strips away the falsehoods and false teachings that we have been indoctrinated with. The journey strips away the layers of what others thinks about us.
The journey strips away our false sense of self.
The journey strips others away from us that do not belong in our tribe. The journey breaks barriers and builds boundaries.
The journey brings us closer to our Creator who is a direct reflection of who we were called to be.
Lust and Brokenness
I see that many of us look at lust and call it love. We allow our men to call us outside of our names. When we will learn that words have power? When will we see that what we answer to matters?
When will we admit that we have never truly been taught how to love? When will admit that we don’t know how to receive love either?
We have been conditioned to focus things that are temporal and that soothes our egos. We confuse ‘ride or die’ with unconditional love. We let immaturity and mediocrity run rampant in our relationships and tell ourselves that we are trying to fix our men.
We can’t fix another person. Each person is responsible for themselves. We can only heal our own pain. And that takes work.
Yes, we want to support and love other women, but we can’t do their work for them. But we don’t know that because we’ve never been taught the proper tools to build healthy boundaries.
It is so much work healing ourselves alone, that’s why we have been given an entire lifetime to learn to become the best versions of ourselves. We can’t carry the weight of others.
Therefore, I say, lay down your burdens. For you are carrying loads that do not belong to you.