“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55: 8 – 9
There are days when it seems like we are all alone in our pain. We feel like no one understands our burdens and the things we are going through. We feel isolated, pained, alone, and hopeless.
A few years back, I felt that way. I felt that my world was falling apart around me and God had chosen to punish me for something and He was not hearing my prayer. That had to be one of the lowest points in my life. The sheer terror of hopelessness breeds every negative feeling that can exist in our minds and in our bodies. I must admit that I stayed in that space for a long time and had no idea how to come out of it.
In times like these, you create a mask for your face and a shell for your outer body. You feel like no one understands and no one ever will.
It took me a long time, a long time, to start to understand that I had a choice in the way thoughts were controlling me. It took a long time to recognize that, yes, I had those thoughts, and they were difficult to deal with, and yes, I did really feel hopeless, but I had to begin to acknowledge the small part of me that wanted a better way. When I hit the lowest moments of my life, I did not know what to do.
Out of sheer frustration and pain, I yelled at God. I told Him how mad I was at him for punishing me. How annoyed I was at Him for his sheer silence in the midst of my pain. I pretty much unloaded my pain onto Him in frustration. The funny thing is I didn’t feel that He was responding back to me, but I noticed that my burden began to feel slightly lighter and just a little lighter the more I unloaded on Him.
Then I began to feel the urge to pray again and to read the Bible. Slowly, I began to make the effort to do so a little each day. In all of my pain and frustration with Him, I had just stopped praying, reading the Bible, and going to church. I wanted nothing to do with a God who was punishing me but not hearing my pain.
Slowly my mood began to improve and I slowly started talking to Him throughout my day, at the time, I didn’t realize that that was also considered a form of prayer.
It took a long time, not weeks or months, but years to understand a few lessons:
- God is always present. He is always listening no matter what we think or feel.
- He allows us to hit rock bottom or to sit in our pain because that’s where we get quiet and reach out to Him when we don’t know what else to do.
- He speaks to us all the time through His word (the Bible), through friends, through books, through the words we hear at just the time we need them.
- He uses our pains to help others and in helping others, we begin our own healing.
- Pain develops character and there is nothing more important to God than our character.
- Even when we are far away, He is always a friend to us, silent and waiting.
I don’t know who this post is for as I was so unsure of what to write in this post, but He allowed the words to flow through me to touch someone who is reading this. For anyone who is experiencing these feelings, I encourage you to yell at God, get upset with Him, and tell Him how you feel. He can take it. He already knows how you feel. He is just waiting to hear from you.
And then take that moment of strength to reach out to a therapist and explore those feelings that you are having. Try to understand the source of those pains. Understand that God has his role and we have ours. God is present and is our strength and can help us unlock our purpose; let Him deal with the ‘how and when’. We can do our part and step out in faith and recognize that He is already working for us. So now, it is our time to work for us as well. Let us take our control from our thoughts and pain and begin to work or way out of those self-fulfilling prophecies. Let us expand and change the energy we are sending out into the world.